


Creating Balance

by Torathecat



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, M/M, Reylo - Freeform, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-06 17:01:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14061417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torathecat/pseuds/Torathecat
Summary: He gave up on me. My father didn’t understand me, my mother seemed to just be afraid of the possibility of what I could become. But Luke... he seemed to be so confident in his ability to help. Confident in my ability to stay in the light.But that night, when I needed him the most as my uncle... he gave up on me. The last person I believed would. I hold this anger inside of me for him because of that. I just stopped reaching for the light in that moment and I let the dark swallow me....until you





	1. Don’t Let Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Whooo! 
> 
> Though this is not my first fanfiction, it is my first trek into the Star Wars Universe. I adore it, but there are so many details I am having to check up on so I don't mess this up. So please forgive any flubs- I will gladly correct them if you point them out! <3
> 
> Each chapter will have a song title, because I am a nerd. Here is the link for this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ivr4ab9bllU

There wasn’t much time.

 

That’s all she would let herself think as she ushered the last remnants of Leia’s resistance into the Falcon. There was no time to think. No time to do anything but focus on being numb and getting them to safety. But the small numbers made her stomach sink. There had been so many when she had left to seek out Luke. So many could have been saved if...

 

She couldn’t think of that now. No. Her place was with the resistance now. Her focus needed to be with them. As she turned and watched the last of the survivors board she knew her heart needed to be with them too. Her heart... the thought seemed to sizzle out in her brain before it could finish.

 

She felt it again. The pull to the dark. Ben.

 

Her heart twisted painfully in her chest. With what she was trying to convince herself was out of failure to get him to turn to the light. Nothing more than that. His form slowly came into focus and their eyes locked. For such a large man, in that moment he looked so small. Broken. Sad. She wanted to scream at him. Tell him to just stop. Once again to tell him not to go this way. All of that just died in her throat as she stared at him and he stared back.

 

Please... She couldn’t tell if that was her remembering him asking or he thought it so loud that she heard it, but that’s all she could read in his eyes. His last plea for her to join him. Rey didn’t anticipate how painful it would be to shut the door. It felt more like closing her heart. She choked out the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. It came out more like a sob than anything.

 

“Goodbye, Ben...”

 

* * *

 

 

He walked through the deserted old base, on high alert for any movement that wasn’t a part of the First Order. He hated that he had hoped to catch a glimpse of his mother or...

 

He slowed and looked down at his gloved hand for a moment. It didn’t matter. The choice was made. Dwelling on things was pointless. His focus was on the new task at hand and filling his role as the new Supreme Leader. He couldn’t afford the luxury he once had of wavering. He sacrificed too much... And that is when he saw them.

 

The dice.

 

He crouched and carefully picked up the set of golden dice in his gloved hand. He did not want to feel the sharp jab of pain seeing the dice made him feel, but it was there all the same. Was it ever going to end? That was when he felt her. Her pull. He tore his eyes from the dice to lock eyes with her. He knew she was standing on the Falcon. She had to be close, but he knew he couldn’t get to where she was before the ship left even if he wanted to. Did he want to...? ...yes. He still wanted her to join him. He could feel that she wanted to say something to him.

 

He wanted to say so much but all he could think in perfect clarity was, “Please.” He watched her eyes as she seemed to steel herself. Then without breaking eye contact she closed the door. He flinched. As the door of the Falcon disappeared he let the breath out he was holding. Looking back down at the dice in his palm as they begin to fade. When they completely disappear, he clenched his now empty hand and closed his eyes. Lowering his head, he hoped that the pain would fuel his resolve.

 

“...Goodbye, Rey.”


	2. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter! -but- this is not the goal length of the chapters. I’m slowly starting to get the feel for them though! 
> 
> This chapter’s song: https://youtu.be/myNSHbsTIOg

“...n... NO!” Finn shot up in bed covered in sweat. Panting, he frantically looked around the dark room until it sunk in that he was in fact still in his room.

His room... Though they had only been in the base for two months, the room was familiar and eased his mind a little seeing that he was in it and not running for his life... again.

He sighed and rubbed his temples as the ache of fatigue radiated there. A soft sigh made him jerk a little. He looked to the side and saw Rose sleeping next to him, her face soft and relaxed. That image brought a sudden wave of jumbled of emotions to his mind. Comfort from knowing that someone he cared for was close by- but a reminder of his and Rose’s relationship status. Together...?

He loved her. He did... but this territory of romantic love was new to him. He didn’t know what he should be feeling. He loved her and he was attracted to her. That was romantic love... wasn’t it? Then there was the even newer territory of sex. Which he just recently discovered and it was great, but caused a lot of awkward verbal fumbling between the two of them. They hadn’t done anything since their first time just two weeks ago besides sleep next to each other. She was worried about his nightmares increasing in the passed few weeks and he hadn’t had a night of dreamless sleep in the last week- so she didn’t want to leave him alone at night. Which moved him, but he was confused as to why the urge to be intimate with her again wasn’t striking him.

He just discovered sex, he should be insatiable... right?

Maybe a night of sex would actually help him get a few hours of decent sleep. This train of thought wasn’t helping him go back to sleep. With that he pushed himself out of bed, pulled the covers around Rose’s shoulders, and headed for the door of his room. On the way out he snagged his jacket and pulled it on. He may be in sleep pants, but at least he wouldn’t be shirtless in the slightly chilled metal hallways of the base.

He hated that the metal walls around him made him so uneasy. It reminded him too much of his upbringing in the First Order, and the way it seemed to be a shadow wherever he went. He looked forward to the day he was no longer afraid of their reach.

Walks through the living quarters of the base at night were becoming routine for him now. He made his way through the long, quiet hallways, past the buzzing of the command center. He peeked in and saw the skeleton crew manning communication stations. Maybe he should volunteer for overnight watch? It wasn’t like he was sleeping anyway.

“Finn- another evening lap?” Finn turned to see Leia standing over one of the people manning a station.

“Yeah, just winding down.” He said as he rubbed the back of his neck, missing the sympathetic look she shot his way before she leaned over and tapped a few buttons on a screen in front of her. He glanced back up at her to see her looking down again.

“You couldn’t sleep either?”

“I sleep like a general.” Leia smirked and Finn chuckled a little.

“So... never?”

“Exactly. But you seem to have perfect timing tonight. Poe just landed.” Leia’s smirk warmed into a soft smile as she saw Finn’s tired face break into a wide grin. As he bolted out of the command center, she called after him.

“Tell him not to bother checking in! I’ll see him in the morning!”

“Yes ma’am!” Finn called over his shoulder as he rounded a corner.

 

* * *

 

 

He needed a shower. No... he needed food, not tasteless rations he had been surviving on for the last few weeks. Then sleep. Then a shower, in the morning. Maybe two. He needed a few days away from his ship. He loved to fly, but more in combat- not the political trips Leia had him doing. Three weeks hopping around to nearby stations and planets made him long for the base. Despite it being new, he felt like he was coming home. Poe’s ship shuttered as he started switching it off. Men opened up the cockpit for him and he just leaned back and let out a big sigh.

“Welcome home, Commander Dameron,” one of the men said as he attached stairs for Poe to climb down.

“Thanks.” He was home, but gathering the initiative to get out of his ship was going to take a minute.

“Poe!” Poe shot up in his seat and looked over to see Finn jogging into the hangar. He laughed out loud and hopped out of his seat, catching Finn in a hug right at the bottom of the stairs.

“It’s the middle of the night! I didn’t expect you to be awake. Looks like I lucked out.” Poe gripped Finn’s shoulders and held him at arm’s length, as if to get a better look at him.

“I didn’t know you were supposed to be back today. How did it go?”

“Same old song and dance, just going over back up plans and escape routes, just in case. It’s been quiet, and you know Leia- she prepares more when there isn’t fighting happening. So I see more laps like that happening in the future.” Poe scrubbed his face with his hands and started walking out of the hangar.

“That being said, I say you follow me to find some food-“ Poe jumped a little as Finn held up a large bun wrapped in a cloth.

“I figured you’d want one of these. I grabbed one on the way- they’re making them now, so it’s fresh. I also have a message from Leia- she will see you in the morning.”

“Oh you beautiful man.” Poe smelled the bun after taking it and groaned. “I’ve been dreaming of fresh food for weeks. I could kiss you.” He took a big bite of it as Finn grinned sheepishly at him. “So, fill me in on the past few weeks around here.”

“Quiet. Real quiet. Nothing’s really been happening.” They matched their strides as they made their way through the quiet base.

“So the base has been quiet... and the thing you talked to me about before we left?” Poe side glanced at Finn and watched as he rubbed his mouth with his hand. “I’m assuming that’s a ‘not yet’ answer?”

“No... uh...” They had reached the personal living quarters and Finn looked up and down the hallway nervously. Poe slowed by his room and opened the door.

“How about we talk in here?” He opened the door for Finn as he shoved the rest of the bun into his mouth. Finn stepped into Poe’s room and visibly relaxed. His room wasn’t like the metal hallways on the base. In a short time he had transformed it into a place of comfort. With everything Poe had on his plate, Finn knew he needed his own little retreat. “So... personal life hasn’t been so... quiet?” Finn looked back at Poe with the perfect example of a troubled expression then immediately started pacing. Poe’s expression grew concerned as he crossed to Finn and took his arm. “Hey... hey, Finn. Come on, sit. Talk to me, buddy.” Finn let Poe direct him to the bed and he sat, letting out a long exasperated breath as he did so.

“You’re probably exhausted... I don’t need to be unloading this on you.”

“Hey, I haven’t talked to my best friend in weeks. Hell, I haven’t talked to really any friends in weeks. Give me your worries, you’ll be doing me a favor.” Finn smiled a little and Poe mirrored it. He pulled a chair over and sat directly in front of Finn. “So hit me, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know... really, I don’t. Rose is great.”

“Ok, Rose is great.” Poe nodded. “I love her.”

“Ok, you love her.” Another nod.

“She’s beautiful and I’m attracted to her.”

“Obviously you do.” Poe steepled his fingers in-front of his mouth and studied Finn. “Was this a... performance issue?”

“Performance... issue?” Finn looked confused. Poe laughed uncomfortably and cleared his throat.

“Were you... uh... not able to, y’know, rise to the occasion?”

“What?” Poe didn’t know why it was so difficult for him to ask this one thing, and though it was one of Finn’s very endearing qualities- his obliviousness was making him want to shake the other man a little bit at the moment.

“Were you able to get hard?” The bluntness made Finn’s eye grow wide and Poe could feel a slight flush creep up his neck- which was ridiculous. It’s not like he hadn’t talked about these things in the past.

“N-No! I mean yes! We... we did it.” Poe nodded once again and kept watching Finn.

“Ok... well, was it bad?”

“No... it was nice.”

“Ok. What’s on your mind then?”

“Well, it was nice but...” Finn started to get up again to pace but Poe caught his forearms and made him sit back down as he continued to grip them to keep him there.

“No pacing. You evade and rant when you pace. You can tell me, Finn.” Finn’s shoulders slumped and he raised his eyes to meet Poe’s.

“I expected to feel more. To feel… Passion, maybe? I can’t believe that the way I feel is so weak compared to how strong I’ve hated things in the past. My feelings for Rose are true, but I don’t feel like they’re right. I think I rushed into the physical part.” Finn cast his eyes to the side for a moment as if in thought. “What was the first time like for you?”

“Wooooo...” Poe moved to sit on the bed next to Finn, leaning back onto the pillows to get more comfortable. “Well, I was young and driven by hormones. Love is a whole different arena when it comes to things like this.” Finn leaned back on the pillows too, crossing his arms across his chest as he listened to Poe. “Maybe... maybe you just need to give it time. Not every relationship is the same. I personally have felt passion- but the love you seem to be looking for is rare, and I think maybe that’s something that has to grow naturally. Give it time, Finn. It’ll happen.” Poe turned to look at Finn and found that he’d fallen asleep. A warm smile spread across Poe’s face. He quietly stripped out of his flight suit and put on a pair of sleep pants and pulled the blanket out to cover them both. “It’s good to be home.” He whispered as he switched off the light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo... StormPilot. How I love it. *determined not to squee*

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of a prologue than a full chapter- Chapters will be much longer, I promise! Thoughts? Critiques? Pitchforks and torches? Lets do this. >:P


End file.
